What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
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