I can already tell this is gonna be one of those parties where we sit across the room and text about people.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
this is a preemptive text before you call me freaking out: i have your keys and your car is parked safely a block down from your apartment.
you are a goddess
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
