wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I woke up alone at my apt. On the floor with the door wide open, but still. Success.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
You were yelling at a tree saying it should be in the forest..
Don't judge me.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Btw that $18 I gave you to run around outside naked came out of your wallet.
Randomize
