WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
