Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Randomize
