david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
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