I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
I miss vodka workout Fridays
If you can't accept "I'm sorry I was mean to you" bjs from 19 year old girls, then who can you
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
Dude. Steinbecking. It's when you double-fist coffee and alcohol to help you meet a writing deadline.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
