i got turned down by a girl after she saw how big my penis was and she said "thats not goin in me"
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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