why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
I've just been thinking about sangria a lot lately, like an adult.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
