She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
