Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
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