You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
