His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
Randomize
