So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
She is wearing lilly and pearls while drinking natty from a monogrammed coozie. If that isn't a sorosititue I don't know what is
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
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