There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Since you haven't talked to me since the rancid whipped cream fiasco, I'm going to assume we are no longer hooking up. But I need my handcuffs back. ASAP.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I think my pussy is going to freeze to the ground
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
