Living right is spending a lot of time in someone's ass
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
40s are totally the cure
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Randomize
