I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I told them you could toss a salad like wolfgang puck
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Randomize
