I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
meet me or not, i'm out of control
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
yeah, I'm getting gagged by the cock of fate
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Randomize
