Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
Just turned rock'em sock'em robots with my little cousin into a drinking game. Im drinking bourbon hes drinking hot chocolate.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
dude literally just took me 4 trips to take out the recycling from last night. we need to have parties like this more often
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
