Tell him to shut up cuz i said so. I lost my dollar shoe :(
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
On an unrelated side note: I shall now attempt to crawl to the bathroom. Where I will lay motionless on the cold ceramic bathtub with hot water pouring over my shivering body as I desperately try not to vomit. Good day.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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