dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
Sometimes I send them texts like "I want to make you cry and lick up your tears" just to fuck with them. And THAT is how you get rid of a Stage 5 clinger.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Randomize
