Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
I'll call you tomorrow. I'm ok and back i love you goodnight.
I stole a bike. Here's a pic
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Randomize
