I think my vagina is haunted
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
i came so much i feel like i were to try again, only dust would come out. and maybe glitter
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