She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
He just walked from his house to mine. Walked in and asked for a hug and then left.. And he's sober.
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Randomize