I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
my shower just felt like jesus cried on me. like he shed tears just for my shower.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
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