Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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