i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
Randomize
