I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
