Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
she had no gag reflex. and is an abercrombie model. i love college.
Rubbed one out while on hold to buy tickets to Disneyland. Feel simultaneously like a freak and strangely productive.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
Randomize
