Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
If they ask for a stool sample we r no longer friends.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
Randomize
