I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Do you ever close your eyes when your having sex with your girlfriend and pretend she didn't get fat after high school?
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
You cant give me a fifth of god damn jim beam and expect me not to cheat on my gf.
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
That makes sense.. A good Bj is a trump card in any argument
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