Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
