yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
