Are you seriously picking mariokart over a blowjob? nott to sound like a bitch but seriously?
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
as I was leaving in the morning with his clothes on his roommate pops up and goes 'don't you dare steal that shirt, i gave it to him for his birthday'.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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