Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
You FaceTimed me at three in the morning while you were peeing. Your eyes were glazed over and you showed me your bellybutton.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
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