When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
The family from the blindsided came and talked to us last night. The dad owns 68 taco bells. You would have been so inspired
I mean its cheating, but i figure i've made out wiht married chicks before so its like a nicotine patch, quitting by doing less and less each day
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Apparently he walked into the room and started yelling at some huge hairy dude to get out of my room. Except it wasn't my room... Because he was on the fourth floor.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
She's passed out laying in the middle of the street. Cars are honking at her and going around her body. We need to stop playing BONECRUSHER.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
the insurance claim form from last night says foreign object removal from genitourinary tract so as far as the insurance company knows, it could have been a gerbil
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Randomize
