Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
You promised me a handle of vodka if I took home her ugly friend. Thanks to law class I took for the 2nd time I know that's a unilateral contract asshole
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
Yea I've gotten enough hickeys in my life to know what I'd look like with a neck tattoo. I think I'm getting a neck tattoo.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
Randomize
