There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
When you mimic motorboating Jennifer Love Hewitt, is it really that hard to understand why no one thinks you're straight?
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
