How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
What are these yellow papers in the kitchen?
These are the tickets we got last night.
Did i sign this one as Grizzly Bear?
Yes...yes you did.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
may or may not have figured out a way to make my mom a drug mule to bring me ecstasy...
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
Well, I guess you are not meant to have this fucking picture of an adorable baby duck.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
Randomize
