I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Just had an old man tip me two dollars and say "here put this in your baby fund, you'll have a baby someday" I swear this is gods way of saying GET ON BIRTH CONTROL NOW!
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
