I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
can your parents tell?
i just had a cookie in one hand and a phone in the other and tried to eat my phone...they know
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
He asked us to wake him up with a strobe light. We had it going in front of his face full power for half and hour and he didn't even blink.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
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