Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
I walked out of the bathroom and both of you girls were giving the gay guy head. I was like, "laaaterrr."
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Hahaha alright after 5 shots I'm not allowed to touch glass or boys with girlfriends.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Randomize
