im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
I literally farted midsex as a siren for him to get the fuck off me.. No such luck.
This guy kept trying to use "see? I'm clean. Cleared by the plasma place today." as a pick up line. This is not okay.
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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