If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
She's lying on the sidewalk wailing that she is gonna die alone, with hundreds of strangers watching us, and also we lost Kate, . Please help me
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize
