It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
So apparently vaginal secretions are not covered under water damage insurance for my cell phone
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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