i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
If I had a vagina, my apartment would have been the Atlantic
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
Riddle me this: why did I wake up next to a stuffed sword fish?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
Randomize
