My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Fuck my life... Im so horny Im gonna take it out on this sandwich
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
