So, how was the dinner
Just like the ex wife, cold, fatty, and expensive.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Just saw a woman trying to order Mcdonalds at a trash can. God bless America.
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Shame - the story of my life.
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