She started to rub her ass on my shoulder and i instantly thought "i am going to get E. Coli"
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
I'm "drunk text both siblings" drunk.
Randomize
