I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
But i did once see a show where a women was homeless and installed a stove in a school bus so she and her baby could live there since all the seats were taken out. As far as being homeless goes it didn't look half bad...So this is me promising to you that if i ever am living in an abandoned school bus...i will at least pimp it out with a stove so you can come over for dinner sometimes
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Randomize
