Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
Ye. Looking like it's about to be one of those mythical responsible weekends
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
I got St Patrick's Day drunk on Friday and apparently ordered a Total Gym in the middle of the night
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
