I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
I actually had no interest in him until he started talking about his 4 arrests. That made him go from a 5 1/2 to a 8, easily.
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
is that a dick in a sweater?
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
