I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
so i told my doctor my symptons and she just shook her head at me
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
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