Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
Lesson learned. No more vodka and toaster strudel
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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