He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
I don't want any of this. I just want big sausages.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
