My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I'm basically a mama hen. I keep them warm and let them wonder around the house. not to mention, I keep eye on them just in case the falcons around the house try to snatch them away.
I don't even know what to say right now
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
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