he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Apparently when your theatre teacher asks who the best actor of our time is, Nicolas Cage is not the right answer.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
I know you won't see this for awhile, but I had to tell somebody, and you're like the only person who won't judge me for having an accidental erotic encounter with General Tso's chicken.
Randomize
