I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
No it's ok I've been talking to the girl at the Chinese restaurant about your dick for the last 20 minutes. I haven't mentioned your name but she thinks she knows you.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
I just realized. I havent even gotten a paycheck from this new job yet and already laid one of the girls most of the dudes are after
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize