Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
anyone who says having children is the best experience of their life obviously has never seen a vending machine carry vodka in Capri sun pouches.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
if i can get a chik with a dibaetes pump naked a sling certainly isnt going to get in my way
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
