But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I have to cancel. My sons dad is out of jail unexpectedly and i'm kinda an emotional wreck. P.s. This is not the life I dreamed of as a little girl.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Randomize
