Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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