I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
..She then engaged in what she called an "interpretive pole dance"
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
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