He kissed a someone with a penis
Dude, you need to come clean your dates vomit off the ceiling. What in the hell were you guys doing?!
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
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