So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
Randomize
