the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
Also I'm proud of us for having an educational conversation in this group text.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
Randomize
