Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I think he fucked my hip out of place.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
